What A Beautiful Way (2008)
2008 was a rebuilding year. "what a beautiful way" is my third album, an album that evolved for many years. many of the songs originally intended for the album were written in 2002 and 2003, some of them ultimately not making the cut. the ones from that era that were actually recorded are the ones i liked best. with the vacant space, i recorded some other favorites that were previously recorded, mainly because i wanted cleaner, more professional versions. (while my recording techniques are far from perfect, they are much better than they used to be.) in addition, i completed the album with a couple newer songs. ultimately, the album is a good representation of 5+ years of music.
"i, robot" - 2/4/03
a hand fumbles in the dark
it finds its destination
the power switch is flick on
the power of a robot nation
everyday the same routine
on at 8, off at 5
repeated tasks reward unseen
is this what its like to be alive?
assembly men work assembly lines
while money men laugh and play
gears and arms work in time
this has always been the way
but something doesn't feel quite right
and though i may be lobotomized
strange electric impulses
tell me we're all roboticized
is this what its like to be alive?
i, robot (i feel out of place)
i, robot (controller of my fate)
i, robot (no longer can i wait)
i am not a robot
i pull the wires out of my head
its refreshing to think clear
no more remnants of a cloudy mind
no more thoughts of slavery and fear
the domino effect begins with one
i'm already at the starting line
the time has come for liberty
i'll show you what its like to be alive
cause this isn't what its like to be alive
is this what its like to be alive?
this isn't what its like to be alive
i, robot (theres more to life than this)
i, robot (i think i'll take the risk)
i, robot (they'll try to shut me down)
but i am not a robot
i am not a robot (don't let them do the same to you)
i am not a robot (break free and do what you need to)
i am not a robot (free yourself from tyranny)
i am not a robot (our robot nation at last is free)
"(driving in) l.a" - 7/26/02
driving, driving, driving, driving, driving in la
is making, making, making, making, making me crazy
i wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna kill someone
gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme a shotgun
i feel so excluded by this crack cocaine environment
plastic mind and plastic eyes make for a lovely disguise
hold your breath and make a wish, capitalistic selfishness
down rodeo, up sunset, i didn't say start breathing yet
i believe air pollution is slowly driving me insane
stupidity--quick solution--to feel like part of the game
sometimes i close my eyes and feel like floating down
but then i realize my feet are still on the ground
"highway 1 (and the caribbean afterlife)" - 1/6/03
i inhale and take the smoke into my lungs
hands on 1 and 7, eyes forward
the sun goes down over the horizon
euphoria kicks in as i travel onward
my foot goes down on the accelerator
the needle shows 120 plus
the metal molds are quickly shredded away
as i sail off the cliff into the deep abyss
the wind upon my face
the tearing in my eyes
i'm falling faster now
no more time for lies
the sorrow that she'll feel
knowing that i'm free
knowing that she killed me
"i miss you forever" - 12/20/03
i'm quoting you
a poem you wrote for me
what seems like long ago
it has so much meaning now
you were the air i breathe
you were the food i eat
and now we're on a break
it's so hard to take
it's burning a whole deep within my soul
i don't know how it affects you
but i hope it's just as painful
it's only been a few days
a few days of misery
i long for you
i hope to see you soon
it's only been a few days
but it feels like forever
and so i miss you forever
"last call" - 11/7/08
when the hour hits 2
i'm gonna sell it to you
i want you to know what it feels like
when the hour hits 3
to be a desperate lonely me
i want you to know how bad it feels
pop goes the sound of my futile attempt to feel alive
and it feels so good as it travels down
keeping me warm
keeping my false hopes alive
when the hour hits 3
i'm gonna keep it for me
i want you to know what it feels like
when the hour hits 4
and i'm laying on the floor
eyes wide shut in contemplation
pop goes the sound of another futile attempt to feel alive
and it feels so good as it travels down
filling my broken heart
killing my broken heart one drink at a time
when the hour hits 4
and i'm desperate, wanting more
i want you to know what it feels like
when the hour turns 5
and there are tears in my eyes
i want you to know how sad it feels
when the hour hits 5
i hope i'm not alive
i want you to know what it feels like
to be buried in my grave
such a desperate lonely place
wishing i didn't get so fucking drunk
"frustration" - 11/4/08
the words you speak
you rarely mean
the actions you take
do nothing to make
me feel better
about this abandonment
about losing you
it's what you needed to do
you needed to walk away
so you walked away
you gave up on me
and walked away
you promised me
you'd never give up on me
but you walked away
don't walk away
i don't believe in miracles any more than i believe in god or being happy
but i believe in touching myself when i'm feeling unhappy
you blew me a kiss
your final kiss
it flew right past me
along with everything
we ever had
now it means nothing
i try to hang on tightly
to what is now just a memory
because you walked away
you walked away
you gave up on me
and walked away
you promised me
you'd never give up on me
but you walked away
come back to me
i don't believe in miracles any more than i believe in god or being happy
but i believe in touching myself when i'm feeling unhappy
the frustration runs so deep into my soul
it breaks my heart into another thousand pieces
"you're my favorite, and will always be"
it makes me sad when you say this to me
because i know it isn't so
you're better off without this frustration
i don't believe in miracles any more than i believe in god or being happy
but i believe in touching myself when i'm feeling unhappy
you walked away
you gave up on me
and walked away
"the anniversary" - 4/25/03
he takes a breath and holds it in
he lets out the sigh of relief
the neatly wrapped box tied with a bow trembles with his shaking hands
a moment of silence and solitude as he slowly opens the door
an imaginary rose withers away and dies on an imaginary floor
we gaze into the desperate eyes now swelling with disappointment
step back and see the complete scene
time moves so slow though reality speeds up
his one true love caught in the act
nothing she can say
we gaze into the desperate eyes now swollen with disappointment
step back and see the complete scene
"what is this i feel?" he asks himself
"what is this i have done?"
step back and see the complete scene
his hands trembling
now with rage, now with fear
step back and see the complete scene
life strewn all over the floor
the withered rose now drowning in what once sustained the cheating and lies
step back and see the complete scene
this is the beginning of the end
this is the end of the beginning
this is the anniversary
"the day after the last" - 5/5/03
the mirror reflects a boy starting a brand new day
there's a hint of desolation in his eyes
the mirror cracks as he puts his head into it
blood dries on his cheek
he cries and the tears loosen the blood
the boy recomposes and steps out the door
into an ugly world
where mechanics rule and the skies are filled with deadly gas
such a lovely world
created by us
this is the day after the last
the boy moves silently, uncompromisingly
he follows a line of others just like him
they move towards unwanted destinations
mechanical beast moving and stopping, moving and stopping in time
the boy just keeps on moving
it wasn't his choice to be born
into an ugly world
where mechanics rule and the skies are filled with deadly gas
such a lovely world
created by us
this is the day after the last
the boy wakes in the night wishing it was all a dream
but he realizes differently
it will always go on the same
like a clock that keeps on ticking
keeping a rhythm, keeping in time
how boring
until one atypical day
when the heart decides to finally stop
and we all realize that we've wasted our lives
no hope for a future cause we forgot about the past
we live everyday like it's the day after the last
what a beautiful way to live
what a beautiful way
what a beautiful way to die